An Open Letter to my Future Daughter in Law

Dear Daughter in Law-

Welcome to the family we are all so happy to have you join us. I particularly am thrilled to know that my dear son remembered to zip his zipper often enough to actually attract a mate.

There are a few things I would like to apologize for right off the bat. (I am a firm believer in preemptive strikes when necessary). First, I considered having David sitting backwards on the potty at about ten, just until he quit missing so much, but decided that would be awkward at school. Aiming at cheerios was also dismissed as a viable option...although you may want to consider that. I've never really figured out how a child who can knock the petals off a rose bush at a good 5 feet can't manage to hit a pretty good sized target and manages more times then not to hit the seat, and on really off days, hit the bathtub as well.

Second, make sure that you shop regularly for socks. He wears his outside without shoes, I have no explanation. But, grass and mud are usually wiped off really well with one good lap over the wool rug in the living room.

Third, do you like a top sheet? Well, I hope not. They usually end up covering the dog. But, don't worry, if he ever makes the bed, I'm sure he'll remember to pick it up off the dog's bed to put back onto his.

And finally, no there's nothing wrong with him, we asked the doctor when he was 10, I guess some people just really do need to spend that much time in the bathroom.

Sincerely, (tag you're it)

-Elaine